As time passed, I gained more and always comes up. I don't have to f^'i A S in Wife. ous a thing as you can do. The uniform Bottles/. New Ways of Opening more of Mr. Kerth's confidence. I whistle twice to him." "Waal, John, before you marry of the^ fireman has been red knew just enough about his past The next was addressed to "Mrs. Th« German emperor and I The other night, while sitting with since time immemorial, although I'd advise you to be sure your wi'e performances to make him think Within the self-name year were born, Elizabeth Pennington^ Germantown, since organized fire departments some friends in the club-house, I noticed Beneath the self-same sky, that my silence was a useful commodity, ain't a schemer." Philadelphia. have been organized the color has Upon the self-same morn a young man at a table near and he sought to purchase "Van Doosan's sister," said the "What do you mean, Uncle Josh? •A kaisor he, of high estate, been sensibly changed, for the element it with frankness. He was, however, us, apparently tired of waiting for And I the usual chance of fate." scapegrace 'they have quarreled and What would my intended wife scheme the firemen fight is red, and loth to betray his secret all at once, won't compare notes. She is a widow, the waiter, strike the neck of a wine the danger is apparent. The hue His father was a prince, and mine— for? Not my wealth, surely." but prepared me beforehand by with a fine income and an elegant Why, just a farmer—that is all. of the poppy in the fields suggests bottle a sharp, quick stroke with his various significant hints to appreciate "Oh, that ain't what I mean. I— place. Two lovely marriageable 'Stars still are stars although some shine the dangerous side of the narcotic it better its mysterious nature. knife in such a manner that the bottle And some roll hid in midnight's pall daughters." mean schemin' like your Aunt harbors. Some one aware of the Sut nrgue, cavil all yon can, One evening, when he was smoking The letter set forth the intended was broken squarely off just below Sally." dangers of debauches has coined the "My sire was just as good a man. one of my cigars before my fire, he visit of Mr. Richard Kerth to the the cork as neatly and cleanly as if phrase we know so well, 'Painting Uncle Josh heaved a deep sigh and The German Emperor and I said: "I am getting very hard up I east and his plan to spend some the town red.' Red in art is a it had been cut off with a diamond^ Eat, drink and sleep the self-same way, glanced furtively at the door, as it must raise some money." time at Germantown—at his aunt's risky color to use unless the painter 8Tor bread is bread and pie is pie. "That was very well done," r£ I said: "How will you do it?" in fear of being overheard. residence, if she wished it so if not, And kings can eat bnt thrice a day, knows thoroughly how to use it, as marked one of my friends, "but did And sleep will only come to those "I have a method of my own," he with some friends of his there by the "Now, Uncle Josh, you do not Sir Edwin Landseer did in his pictures, "Whose mouths and stomachs are not foes. answered, "which I apply whenever you ever see a method some sailors name of Boggs. There were various mean to say marriage has been a which invariably contained a I am in need of ready cash." have for opening a bot tie of wine? I rise at six and go to work. gallant references to Mr. Kerth's touch of red somewhere. Turner 'ailure for you, do you?" said John nd he at fire, and does the same, "What is it like?"' Several years ago, when the Grand cousins and a delicate sinuation that employed red lavishly, and although "We both have cares we cannot shirk mischievously. Duke Alexis of Bussia was here in He smiled with the smile of a he would probably fall in love with Mine are for loved ones his for fame. he suceeded in producing marvelous command of a small fleet,I was invited sphinx, as he replied: "Shi not so loud. I would not have one of them during his visit, There He may live best. I cannot tell effects, his followers have made over to visit the flagship—the Svetland—by "I call it a system of absence." I'm sure I wish the kaiser well. was also a casual reference to the Sally think I was any ways ungrate, countless millions mourn over fiery On several occasions he made use one of the officers with sum of one hundred and fifty dollars. ful for her efforts, and she surely I have a wi'e, and so has he corusations on canvas. Wherever of phraseology similar to the above. whom I had become acquainted. "She was short this time," remarked And yet, if pictures do not err, makes enough of 'em, but I am awful you turn you find red as a mark of For example, once he said to me: While we were on the ship our host As fai as human sight can see. the writer of the letter aloud peril." tired of her schemes. First, she must Mine is by lone odds twice as fair, "I get a good enough living out of sent for some wine, and, learning "only sent a hundred. Strike her "In literature is it so?" fiay, would I trade those eyes dark brown? keep bees, I did not want 'em but she not being in certain places at certain that we had never witnessed the deeper next time." Not for an empress and her ciown. "Yes, even in literature, for are not times." Further he would not explain. sailor's method of opening it, he called schemed till she got 'em. After she There were two more letters in the bad books most harmful when they And so the emperor and I three lusty fellows into the cabin batch—both to cousins living in had 'em I tried to show her a little are read?—Pittsburgh Dispatch. On tins one point could ne'er agree to perform the operation. One man Chicago. They were full of mysterious About this time his creditors, of about managing them, but I had not Moreover, we will never try, held the ends of the bottle in his\ hints about good times to be Dr, A is a His frau suits him and mine suits me, whom the crop seemed to be perennial, seen a bee since I was a boy, and I was hands, while the second wound apiece And though his sons one day may rule, began to press him close, and it enjoyed when he should visit the The secret of Dr. Koch's remedv is unable to go into society a month Mine stand Al in public school. of stout twine around it, and pulled was evident that, unless the ready city shortly. Each demanded a plain now out. I is consumption all the alter the event. the ends violently and swiftly backward cash should presently come to his loan of fifty dollars. way through. By consuming guinea So let the kaiser have his sway, and forward, thus heating the Bid kings nnd nations tumble down, rescue, he was lost—that is, lost in "I send them to their houses," "But you still keep bees, I see." the consumption that consume the I have my freedom and my say. glass by the friction. The third mail the same way that he had been lost said he, with a villianous grin "their "Yass, and your Aunt Sally takes pigs he obtains a lymph able to consume And fear no ruler and his crown, then dashed some cold water upon many times before. In the nick of care of em. I never go next or wifes read 'em first. Good for fifty consumptive—a new proof, if For I, unknown to fame and war, the bottle and the glass cracked time the money come, however, and nigh 'em," says Uncle Josh, emphatically. any time. any were needed, that the guinea pig is Live where each man is emperor. with a snap. The man who he proceeded, with the skill of a —Boston Globe. I noticed that the book was written one of the best freinds that the therapeutics practical debtor, to make a small held the two ends lifted nearly full, and that Mr. Kerth's "Waal, next she takes to poultry. ever had. This particular stream of cash irrigate a vast area them so quickly and dexterously "visiting—list—"if so it might be called—contained She near breaks me up buying fancy pig seems to have been made for the THE SCAPEGEACE. that scarcely a drop was spilled. of credit. This being accomplished, some ten or fifteen breeds but I did not mind that so express purpose of being experimented he was at ease again and one night, The bottle was converted, practically, much as the incubator. Some cuss names. Each letter was dated, and uptn, and has laid down its little We who earn our living by hard over a bottle of wine and cigars, he into two glasses—one not unlike Mr. Edison, I think—invented that underneath was entered the result life on the altar of investigation with work naturally regard with a good told me how he had raised the money. an ordinary tumbler, and the machine, and it's calculated to rob a achieved. The latter was generally a regularity that reaches the sublime. hen of all the joys of maternity." other having the cork in the bottom favorable. deal of interest those who manage It has been resected and bisected of it."—From the New York Star. "Whenever the machinery gets "Did the incubator cause you much and dissected and vivisected to dodge this seeming necessity. "It wasn't much," he said carelessly— rusty," said the scapegrace* "which discomfort, Uncle Josh?" it has been stuffed to death "five or six hundred. I manage What are these mysterious mortals, happens every four or five years, I "Did it? Sometimes of a winter and starved to death it has been When old Judge Jowler was tucked in his to raise that sum about four times a •we say, who toil not, neither do they little bed by Mrs Mouser he couldn't sleep a take a trip east and lubricate night, that woman would be out of fed on all sorts of things, year. If you understand how to wink until the excellent woman had brought *teal, who have no property, nor any things. After that," he added, with bed as high as six times tendin' her from caramels to prussic acid, make it go—good as twice that, you bottle of Dr Bull's Cough Syrup Then he a wink, "it runs better. blamed chicken machine." and then, again, it has been left to crossed his little hands aud sunk in sweet repose apparent source of income, yet they know. Now, I'll tell you. I have, die of inanation, with a thermometer I do not know whether I have done "I thought you slept so soundly back east, a number of relativesrich, wear clothes, eat meals, and sleep you would not mind that," said applied to its waatins: form every General Whayne Stables, Balto & Paca Sts. wisely in making these facts public. respected, and all that. Money under a good roof like the rest of us? Bnlto, Md. For there are many people who John. half hour till it expired. All this it comes from them. Easy enough, you I e»in safely recommend your Salvation Oil We have a habit of speaking with might easily sell their absence at a "1 was generally unconscious when has done and suffered for the good think? Well, I wonder. 1 am the to all suffering with rheumatism, as I was -contempt of these people, as though good figure—if they only understood she got out of bed, but ugh! I can of man, and it there be such a thing a sufferer, and before I had finished using the black sheep of the outfit—scapegrace, yet Jeel her feet when she came as a four-footed martyr this muchtortured first bottle was entirely cured. the art.—Fred Bayham, in The Ar« ^fchey were beneath us in the social you know. And do you imagine, JOS. S. FOX, Cattle Dealer. back." creature deserves the crown. gonaut. they would ever give up a bean for scale. Are we not really in secret a 117 North Broadway, Baltimore, Md. "Was her venture successful?" As the last of many benefactions me, if I did not come at 'em with mm 'tittle envious of their originality and "In a measure, my boy, in a measure. it permits itself to be distilled into an something worse than a gun? Why A piece of zincput on live coals in thestova A S id Bargain Will clean out the stove pipe (J courage? I got spinal men a—spinal anti-tuberculosis lymph, and as the sir, the whole bloody layout is os "I know three men whx are going something, I forget what, caused by lymph is in all probability reproductive, If one should, for example, try the mean, and they hate'me so, that, I to commit suicide," was the striking ITS EXCELLENT QUALITIES sudden chills. What was that noise, like the vaccine virus, it give you my word, if I was roasting simple rule of "put yourself in his remark made by Dr. Wagner, the Commend to public approval the California John?' whispered Uncle Josh, nervously. looks as if the time had arrived to in the lowest depths of Sheol, there place county Coroner." liquid fruit remedy Syrup of Figs It is let up on our little friend. He has isn't one of 'em would loan you a You,now,who make a living by some pleasing to the eye, and to the taste and by "Are you going to take any steps "A cat, I think," replied John. done much for humanity, and humanity fork to go and see if I was done"! No, to prevent them from workiug out gently acting on the kidneys, liver and "Do you notice how my clothes in turn should give him a occupation, commonplace but relia. sir! That's the kind of citizens they their purpofce?" rest and let the Australian rabbit bowels, it cleanses the system effectually, fit?" continued Uncle Josh'. are. But I notice they come up pretty ble, suppose you were to wake tomorrow "No. If a man is in his right mind thereby promoting the health and com ort "I don't see anything particularly regular just the same." or English sparrow take an inning in a strange place, without and is sure he is ready to leave this wrong with them." of all who use it He flicked the ashes from his highpriced i— /money or friends, and with all work world, I do not know any way to "But they feel, John, and I don't S Befogged, cigar into the fireplace with prohibited—what would you do? prevent him. There are a thousand dare say a word about them, not if One Colorado county has 100 artesian Concerning those who, although an impressive gesture. Then from wells. New ones do not decrease the flow of ways by which a man may take his my shirts choke me. Sometimes my How would you arrange about able are unwilling to take the 1 rouble his desk he produced several letters the old ones. life, and the man who may be called pants just reach my boot tops, then to write for their readers or sp ak for breakfast, and, subsequently, and a large book labeled "Journal." a 'confirmed suicide' will sooner or ag'in they trail in the dust." their hearers, a somewhat mc re extended Every braise, every sore muscle, should be "Here it is," he exclaimed, throwing about dinner, and supper, and a later accomplish his purpose." "Fashions change, maybe," said freely bathed Johnson's Anodyne Liniment. comment may be desirable. the book down on the table in front bed, and then numerous meals The Doctor ran his right index finger John. "But why do you hesitate to of me '"Richard Kerth's Ready Letter-Writer, It is always difficult to make a just tell Aunt Sally how you like them?" over the tips of his left hand fingers a beds thereafter? Would you not or the Art of Holding up analysis of motives, but there can be There is more shipping now in the port at and counted up to eleven. "That woman got up the durndest 1 be frightened? Would you not be a^ little doubt that some of these are Charleston than any time lor the last five Your Relations.' And here are sample scheme and took the whole family I know of eleven men who told me years. returns," he added, dropping the influenced by a desire to imitate the |i loss what to do? Well, that they were bound to commit suicide. into it. What was that? I'm sure I letters on the table. But you had rare genius whose intellectual advances %here you would show your inferior" They now fill snicide's graves, and I, heard some one." A CoroH.CoLD, on SORE THROAT should not better begin at my end of the transaction. are so rapid and so powerful be neglected BROWV'S BRONCHIAL TROCHES though aware of their pnrpose, was "Rest easy, Uncle Josh, and tell me |v to those of whom we speak. Read the in book first—the as to forbid all efforts to secure a are a simple remedy, and give prompt relief. powerless to prevent it. Nearly of this infamous scheme. 11 must be admitted that they could, 25 cts. a box last batch of letters copied there. I clear nnd simple presentation of results. "Waal, that woman came to me every man, 1 suppose has friends who always copy 'em so as to keep track The king is lame and the hey wished, earn a plain, honest Cool ram wnter and soda will remove machine ©ne day smilin' as a basket of chips, are possessed of the suicide mania. of what I'm doing." courtier must limp. With others grease from washable fabrics ag as we do whereas could we, Certainly, every coroner has had experiences and says she, 'Josh, I sold some there is a strange and unwholesome ^n I opened the volume at the place chickens and bought you a splendid Ahe exercise of all our wits, exist a of this kind. SIR PHILLIP MILLER, the great English prejudice against making science which he indicated, and began to suit of clothes and shirts to go with "I recently had an extraordinary horticulturist, writing in 1740, says "The II after their fashion? En effet, intelligible, for fearthat science may raad aloud: "Hiram Griffin, Cleveland, best method to have cabbages good is to them,' and she unfolds the duds. confidence reposed in me. You rememember l^you have the whole matter. become popular. It is forgotten procure iresh seed lrom abroad every year, Ohio: My Dear Uncle Them shirts was all glistening and that an esteemed and that cloar and accurate expression, lor it is apt to degenerate in England in »re I undertook a study of these "My mother's only brother," interpolated the clothes plentifully decorated with rich German citizen* living on North tev years." ar and that as a matter of fact the two the scapegrace—"Presbyterian store tags, and I was that innocent ^lir beings, I always thought o* New Jersey Street, died under peculiar The above is a simple illustration of the are almost inseparable. elder—hardware merchant— I took it as a matter of course. fact that the best seeds will rapidly degenf rate circumstances some weeks ago. is a class by themselves, pur" The apparent success before the under unfavorable conditions. The moral citizen." They fit me beautifully, and I ain't He was a Democrat, and, as you wi«e wiH take heed, therefore, nnd buy their for the most part, similar people of the dilettante and the had any to fit me since. After I had I read on: "'IRUPDOSO you will be know, I was nominated and elected seeds ef D. Ferry & Co.. Detroit, Michigan, charlatan has resulted, in the case of 3. To live without work con. worn them a month and frequently devilish glad to learn that I have at whose world wide reputation as the Coroner as a Republican. Just before many good and able men, in a positive best and most reliable, as well as the most last decided to turn my face homeward, explained to the women folks wherein in my mind a profession— the election the German in question aversion to popular approval. extensive seed growers nnd dealers, is due to store clothes were superior to home I am tired of wandering, and came to me with this proposition:— the ministry. I wronged the fact that they take advantage of every It should never be forgotten that made, they holds a mass meeting and it's poor picking out here. I circumstance of climate, soil, methods of did not appreciate their the judgment and taste of the public tells me how Sally made them expect to start in a couple of weeks culture, selection of seed-plants, etc. to "Dr. Wagner, I will vote for you if in matters relating to science are chothes herself, and Simpkms down procure the best possible Beeds and keep finality. There is no pro. unless I hear from you in the meantime. you will make me one promise. them up to that high standard just os susceptible of cultivation as to the store furnished the tag decorations A lot of California stock will is common to them all. "'Name it.' Send your name to the firm's address, and in music and the fine arts, and that while the steam laundry aided be entered at the fall meeting at you will receive a copy of their Seed Annual 'If you are elected Coroner I want has his own, complete scientific men owe it to themselves to her in the deceit about the shirts. Cleveland, and I think I can fix for lor 1891 free. you to promise that you will not cut lique and delicate as the see that opportunity for this culture Sally had made a confident of all the both of us to get let in on the ground me open when I am found dead.' neighbor women and the hired man. is not withheld.—Professor T. C. FOB XEHVOUS PROSTRATION, TAKE Allen's xrved-work of the Japa- floor, so that we can make a good 'Do you mean to say that you Iron Tome Bitters All genuine bear Almost everybody knew I was bein' Mendenhall in Popular Science. thing out of it. How are Bill and signature of P. Allen, Druggist, St. PauL are about to commit suicide?' hum-bugged. Do you know what Minn. Jimmy? tm 'I am just tired of living, and I em is to tell of individie as a Cruel Trick, her latest scheme is, John?" "William and James," said the want you to promise what I ask.' class. There has been an extraordinary salmon ""v "It is a cruel mistake, my dear "I was not able to dissuade the "No what is it, Unci*?" black sheep, rolling up his eyes "his run in British Columbia. JT who recently came to nephew this thinking it neces sary sons, whom he is bringing up in the man from his purpose, and I suppose "Writing forthe press and making 'y respectable boardpresent for a young fellow to take intoxicants way they should go—pious youths he voted for me. I was not much me an object of ridicule before the writer. He in order to be merry," said a surprised last month, therefore, to of sixteen or thereabouts." world." turalists would say, fond uncle to ayoung fellow, as thev be called upon to investigate his I expect they would enjoy the "How should that make you an men—rather young, were walking up Park Row. The races and some of life that I could death. I knew what was the trouble, object of ridicule. Uncle Josh?" 11-dressed, and cor- old man had rome in from his farm When Baby was sick, wo gav8 her Castorlo, and no autopsy was necessary."-* show them. I plan to spend a month "You see for each article she writes There are some of to see the city. "Well let's take a Whenshewas a Child, she cried for Castoria, From he Indianapolis News. in Cleveland, and perhaps may locate she takes one of my little peculiarities a soda water, Unk, and I'll swear iTve a low habit of When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, there. Some of the fellows are for her subject, and although off," replied the young man, as thay of earning a liv"intain When she had Children, she gavethemCastoria) making up a party to got Chinna. she never mentions my name, yet I Marrie on he Run turned into a drug store. an office If I had a couple of hundred more I am readily recognized about here. One of the most exciting weddings or "Comraisof The nephew gave the order' would go with them, but I have only Now, if Sally was a loving wife she on record occurred here recentlywrites that kind, on "Here's to the drink of the moral, just enough to take me home. Your would not do that. She says if I a Newport, Ky., correspond, the sober and industrious it imparts 'i stupid vulgar- affectionate nephew—Richard.'" keep showing now phases of character, ent of the New York'Press. W. P, coolness to the blood, sensibility to Kerth descend, "Cold chills ran down his back she won't have time to make my Alum, dissolved in water and applied to a Welden and Miss Lulu Bever drove the palate and calmness to the a of work cast clothes as she will be so busy writing bedstead with a feather, will exterminate bed when he read that letter," said Mr. forty miles from Williamstown at mind it invigorates without depressing jble of "gentle- bugs. me up." Kerth. "Here is his reply. He prays break-neck speed to get here ahead of and sustains without exhausting,"exclaimed for the salvation of my soul, and incloses An audible snicker interrupted Uncle the girl's angry father, who opposed AN ICY INVASON the elder man, waxing I ng of the preuh. a check for two hundred. See? Josh's tale. Of the bark and shoulders announces the the marriage. They went immediately eloquent. "It's a go drink hearty, and when approach o' chills and fever You goto bed, Read the next one." "Another scheme of Sally's," said to the court house, where Unk," said the young man, as he of the best if lucky enough to sleep, you awake in a he as he slid through the window It was addressed to "S. Von Doosan they were refused a license. A hack winked at the clerk, and they emptied lurnace, or fancy so. Fierce is the beat that Chastened to and disappeared in the direction of Kerth,The Baeuchamp, New-York their glasses. Ten minutes later consumes you. Then comes pro'use sweating was secured, and the anxious couple He treated the barn in time to evade Sally and This over you resemble a limp, damp City," and began: "Dear Uncle." "Unk" was seen trying with difficulty drove to Dayton, Ky., to the residence |n, and soon rag. After the first paroxysm, prevent the girls who had been lending a "Father's brother," the scapegrace to scull himself around a lamp post of County Clerk'Jones. After Hoitetterrs another with Stomach Bitters, •fme. sympathetic ear through the keyhole. explained "batchelor—great swell. with an umbrella. "Unk" thinks some persuasion the old gentleman which knocks out malaria, biliousness, constipation 'erth any He never saw me, and has an idea I city soda water has gained potency and kidney complaints agreed to issue a license. Squire Halten am very wild and woolly, like everything since he was young.—From the New ir a long was found, and the quartette i—— west of Croton Aqueduct." York Tribune. tis (action Nothing better than turpentine for the squire, hackman and lovers—started Red is he a Color. banishment of carpet worms, buffalo moths |f others for this city. While en route the 1 read as follows: DearUncle—Respected "Has it ever struck you," said a and insects. BABY. ?re being brother of my parent 1 tako my pen in hand bride espied her father down the road Pittsburgher, who paints not signs S?JACOBS to let you know that two weeks from date OIL 'Ameriut driving like mad. The squire could but pictures, "that red is a dangerous I shall take the train foryour city, and shall A little form, so dainty small. one not marry the couple until he got inside visit you at the Ueauchamp House, where color, that it stands for danger So soft, so lender and so dear fc^ E E S 4 you are staying. If you should happen to red for the coporation lines. The hackman A little voice, whose helpless call in all sorts of ways? On the be out of town, I will wait until you come Is music to a mother's ear TfcS ?d m« had his horses going inn wild railroads, of course you know, red Rheumatism. Neuralgia. back, for 1 mean to live in your city hereafter A little pulse of delicate breath. gallop. At last they approached the I hope to get a job there. I know you is the danger signal in flags by day, Like Eve's when zephyr whispereth will help me, asyour brother's son to get line. The couple stood up and clasped in lamps by night. Everybody is a job. Perhaps Mr. Beauchamp would like A little arm, that nerveless lies hands. Squire Hallen braced himself N. Ogden, Mich.. accustomed to the idea-of red as a Hagerstown, Md., a man to carry trunks. I know you will be Red. curline: fingers, tini»st things ~%f May 17,1890. against the seat, and clasping glad to see me If I could get into the gro warning on the railroads, and at April 21,1890. Two round. bluf upward-gazing eyes, "A half bottle of eery bnswes« here I would stay, and a man the fond hands, watched for the line. "I. and othersof my AH filled with dilent wonderingB, your invaluable sea the red lights serves the same 1 know of will take me in for two hundred medicine, St. Jacobs By this time the father was within That, as the kiss of Heaven's light bids. fondly, have used St* purpose. Then red stands for anarchy. dollars. Pkase look for me at the depot in Now ope, now close their downj lids A OH.curedmeof rheumatism Jacobs 0)1 for neuralghv-and ten feet, yelling as the hack dashed the emigrant cars. Your nephew. Richard The Anarchists a-re often and rheumatic found across the line, and, while it-was swelling of the called the Reds, and the|fiag which A little head, so smooth and white, tt* -"^j "Imagine Uncle Van Doosan reading a speedy, effective knee Itiathebcstin rocking like a boat in a storm Hallen Pert, rosy month and fairv chin. that epistle at his club," said the has waved over some oRthe bloodiest the universe.** core." And cheeks all rounded to the sight, 1 married the pair. The father coneluded scapegrace "I wpnder it didn't give scenes in the world's history is J.1LI*. BOSTBB. Sara where a dimple draws them in Mas. AGSES KXLLET. to forgive the couple, and the hira a stroke of apQnJexy. However, a sanguinary red. To^w&ve a red All in one' tiny from* enwove. I A S WO E A As light as laughter, soft as love. it was nof. the first of its kind. He flag before a bull is abouras danger- —W, Trego Webb. *. i»v'*. ur#s¥