^***T^^?n$g&^l>gp*pif Forty, Less One. in love with this lady, and was ouly ^-hp i he Poor Whites of tbe South. feon is of the "whang doodle" order. H^ Ben Franklin's Influence. ping a note in her pt eker," and he produced is also very superstitious, being a firni To form any proper conception cf the BY JAMES RICHARDSON. in proof a love letter hidden in the believer in witches and hobgoblins, "See here, old woman," Harry observed, -fxfht-awp* condition of the poor white 'rash, oae palm of liis hand. However, the ladj haunts and spooks in fortune-telling with his eyes intently fixed on a Over by th tangled thicket, should see them as they are. It is true w old and ugly, and forty-two purses after the ancient modessuch as palmreading, Where the level meets the hill, \Poor Will's Almanac of 1827. that the war. emancipation and the establishment were found on the ingenious Frenchman. Where the mealy alder bushes card cutting, or the revelation Now, what is it?" said Mrs. Archibald, Crowd around the ruioed mill of free schools has helped An American pickpocket, caught on a of cones-grounds left in the bottom of without removing her hand from. Where the thiushes whittle early, their condition somewhat, but they yet Third-avenue car with his hand in a gen the cup after the fluid has been drained the pie dough. W here the midges love to play, retain many of those characteristics which tleman's watch-pocket, laconically and offG. W. Smalley in Philadelphia Times Wheie the nettles, tall and stinging, Why, that great and good ...an, Benjamen distinguished them in slavery times. The smilingly said: Excuse me, sir." Guai the vine obstructed way, "My theory, gentlemen, is that I rent Franklin, who writ into this almanac poor white trash are about the only Where the tired brooklet lingers rooms on the third floor, and had no garden afore you was born, says: Never In a quiet little pool, HOW POLICEMEN HAVE BEEN FOOLED. paupers in the Southern States, and they for the rain to fall on I" argue at home,'" Mi&trebb Salmo Fontinahs are very rarely supported by either the Nothing probfbly gives more delight Five men rose up in chorus, brushed "Of course not. Anv fool might know Keeps a verv private school. state or community in which they reside. to the criminal heart than, by means of that." off their coat-tails, and followed each other They are found nowhere but in the country, some trick, to "get square" with a policeman Forty little speckled beauties into the hall in Indian file. Detroit But it's a good idea of him, notwithstanding." Come to learn of 'icr, each day, in hilly and mountainous regions generally, Some few years ago there was an Free Press. How to climb the foaming rapids, in communities by themselves, and old Constable in Ocean County, N. J., No, 'taint. I knowed that much afore Where the flabhing sunbeams play, far removed from the more refined settlements. who prided himself greatly on his deportment." How to navierate the eddies, In the Gardens of Kew. your old Benjamen Franklin was ever Why it is they always select the He wished to be considered, How to sink and how to rise, thought of." hilly and consequently unproductive districts as he really was, a very polite man. A How to watoh for passing perils, A MEMORY OF 1S49. "Then, why don't you try it on once How to leap for parsing flies, lor their homes is unknown. In well-known New York thief being in in a while?" When to play upon the surtace, How well I remember tne day that we went! the settlements wherein they chiefly custody was taken to Court where the po When beneath the stones to hide, "Try what on?" We sailed up the Thames in the Duchess of reside the poor whites rarely live mere lite old Constable stood guard at the end All the 6ecrets of the water, Kent Not arguing at home,' than a mile or two apart. of the bench in which the criminals had All brook learning, true andtried. And we both sat apart from the holiday crew Who's arguing. I'd like to know." been ushered, and in which there happened And we landed at last by the Gardens of Kew. Each householder or head ot a family "That's a good-for-nothing skipper Why. you are." to be, ut the time, two or three "That's a harmless yellow-bird builds himself a little hut of round logs And I wore a poke bonnetthey give one th I ain't." persons who were merely spectators. The "That's the flicker of the shine, blues, or pine poles, chinks the places between "You are." New Yoruer saw at a glance the weakness When the alder leaves are stirred When one looks at them now in an old London these with clay mixed with wheaten "Iain't you are ain't 'yar ain't "Thai's the shadow of a cloudlet." of the old Constable, and at a moment News straw builds at one end a big wooden 'yar hain't-'yar-hain't-'yar-hain't." "That's a squirrel come to d-ink But you said I looked lovelyit mayn't have when business was at its height "Thai's look outforhim, my darlings! chimney with a tapering top, all the interstices "You, Martha, she screamed, "wherc's been true said politely to the officer: "Excuse me, He's afieice and hungry mink being "dobbed" as above puts But I liked it, I know, in the Gardens of Kew. that poker? What on the face of the sir, will you allow me to pass? I see my "Trial's the ripple on the water, down a puncheon floor, and a loft of ordinary airth's the reason everything in the house When the winds the wavelets stir brother, the other witness, at the door. And Love spread his glorious glamour around boards overhead fills the inside is out of the road when it can do the most "Thatsnap quick, my little hearties! As you told me you'd bees down to Fulham, So cooley was this said, and so politely of the rude dwelling with a few rickety good?" That's a lucious grasshopper." and found too, that"Jld Deportment," as he was A small house with a lawn and an exquisite chairs, a long bench, a dirty bed or two, Henry made a break for the door, but called, did not for a moment doubt that So the clever Mistress Salmo view a spinning-wheel (the loom,if any, is outside she saw the movement, and grabbing up Gives her counsel, day by day, O, it sounded so sweet in the Gardens of Kew. all was right, and that the speaker was under a shed a skillet, an oven, a a piece of dough as big as a watermelon Teaching all the troutly virtues, one of the spectators. The man who saw frying-pan, a triangular cupboaid in one But I doubtedyou kissed me, and bade me All life's, lessons grave and she brought It down over his head and nay. his "brother" at the door made for the be sure Well she knows t*ie flashing terror corner and a rack over the door, on which gave it a twist a-ound his neck, as though That "the gas was laid on and the water was opening as rapiuly as consistency would Of King Fishei's sudden fall! to hang old "Spitfire," the family rifle she was putting the finishing touches on pure" Well she knows the lurking danger permit, and was never seen in those parts and both the cabin and furniture are considered an apple dumpling, while Henry, blinded It was foolish perhaps but what could a girl Of the barb'd hook, keen and small! again. as complete. The happy owner do? by the involuntary mask, fled across the Well she tries to warn her pupils Some months ago the New York papers then "clears" some five acres or so of I gave .you my heart in the Gardens of Kew. Of all evils, low and high! front room only to fall out of the open But, alas! the vain young tnflers contained an item about Mr. John land immediately surrounding his window, breaking the eggs he had for I was only a governess, toiling till dark, Sometimes disobeyand die! Dobbs, probably the smartest bank burglar domicile, and these he pretends to cultivate, breakfast across the sill, and dropping And you were an underpaid Government in the country, against whom there is planting only corn, pumpkins and through the open cellar door into the coal cl^rk What was that which passed so quickly, a standing reward ot $1,000 for his apprehension. a little garden truck. He next builds a But though friends said we'd multiplied sorrow With a slender shade behind? pile, where the old woman held him at by two, He graduated from Slaughter What is that wLich stires the alder, rude kennel for his dog or dogs, a primitive-.ooking bay with a soft pumpkin pie, while The sum total was blissin the Gardens of wind9 When no ripple tells of House Point, corner of Water street and stall for his "nag," ditto for Martha scrubbed the dough out of his Kew. W hat 6ends Mistress Salmo daiting James slip, and every once in a while he Beck, his cow, and a pole hen-house for ears and the smut off his nose with the Underneath the stones in fear? How we loitered and dreamed through the visits the Fourth Waid to look ot the his poultry. This last he covers over stove brush she had been using up Crying, "Hide ourselves, my darlings, mid-summer day! scenes of childhood. Mr. Dobbs has a with dirl and weeds, and erects on one Our worst enemy is near!" stairs. Was grass ever so green, were flowers ever so "I am bound to understand it," keen sense ol humor, and especially delights side of it a long slim pole, from the upper When Henry got out he confidentially gay? Savs one self proud speckle-side in fooling a policeman. His last branches of w'rich dangle gourds for* the button-holed Oxtoby and remarked, with And a sunset, seraphic as Paradise knew, "When I see the danger's real, effort is something very clever. On this martins to builo their nests inmartins Streamed its sclendor that night on the a cautious look over his shoulder: Then if need be, I can hide." occasion a close carriage, with an elegant Gardens of Kew. being generally regarded as useful to "I always thought Ben Franklin was & Bo he waits alone and watches, team of horses, and a liveried driver, drive off all bloody-minne 1 hawks that fool, and now I'm convinced of it" Then the mellow moon rippled the flood with Sees the shadow pass again, drove through Water street and stopped look with coo hungry an eye upon the its gold, Easton (Pa.) Free Press. Sees a fly drop on the water, opposite a liquor saloon. The driver rising generation of dunghills. And you put your coat round me for fear I Dashes at it, misrht and main, was cold. opened the door and a dapper little gentleman How a Farmer was swindled. "Missed it! Wt 11," he Bays, "I never! Being thus prepared for housekeeping, Though the balmiest zephyrJuly ever blew with a heavy mustache, attired in That's the worstjump made to-day! now comes the tug of war. Whatever Sped us blissfully home from the Gardens of treasure up a tree was seen in the Here another comes now for it!" the height of the fashion and wearing may be said of the poverty oi the white, Kew. Splash! He's in the airto stay! watches of the night by a peddler wha kid gloves, stepped out and entered the of his ignorance and general spiritual was sleeping in a farm house in the Shenandoah saloon, where he drank some brandy and Three months after we took, a poor husband When the alders cease to tremble, degredation, he rarely suffers from hunger Valley, Va. He told his dreamt and wife soda. An officer who was doing duty in Silence comes and sun-glints shine, or cold. As a class, indeed, they are Our joint ticket third class, for the journey of to the famer the next morning, and on Mistress Salmo Fontinahs, citizens clothes, saw the gentleman enter much better off than the peasantry of Europe, life Calls the rolljust thirty-nine' three successive nights he had the same the saloon, and when he nme out he anu many a poor macbanic in your We've had griefs, but the power of true love St. Nicholas for July. vision. Then he prevailed upon on the said: pulled us through cityto say nothing of the thousands farmer to accompany him to the forest, The love that we sealed in the Gardens of without trade or occupation, wandering "I beg youi pardon, sir, but I see that Kew. where he pointed out a large oak tree as through ihe North and Westwould be you are a gentleman and a stranger, visiting HISTORICAL HOVXES. the one he had seen in his dream. It most happy at any time from December Water street from curiosity. It is my And sometimes, though now we have wealth was apparently sound at the butt,but about Borne of flio Practical Jokes That Have and to spare, to March to share the cheerful waimth duty to warn you against entering these twenty feet up a limb had been broken Passed into History. With a hou- in Hyde Park, and a carriage the blazing pine knots which glow upon places without a police escort, as you may up. The farmer did not feel like humoring BrooklynEagle and pair, every poor -nan's hearth in the South as be robbed The gentleman smiled, and As wetake our hebdomadal walk in the "Zoo," what he supposed to be a superstitious The degree of humor which people well as to help devour the tat hauches of shaking hands with the officer, replied: I oast a found thought to the Gardens of Kew. whim, but the old fellow seemed tohave whose humor is abnormally developed the nobie old buck whose carcass han^s "You have done your duty well, officer, confidence in his vision, and offered can extract from hoaxes and practical suspended from one of the beams and in a gentlemanly manner. I am exceedingly Well, taking the years as they've flashed by one half of the spoils if be would help jokes is a perpetual puzzle to staid and us fleet, of the loft overhead, ready at all obliged to you, and will take him to cut down the tree. When the The sweet with the hitter, and bitter with steady people. It is a cruel sort of hum times to have a slice cut from its sinewy the first opportunity I have to call on sweet, tree fell theie was a rattle of coin near or, which finds its keenest pleasure in bones and broiled to delicious juiciness your Captain and recommend you for had been broktn off, and I don't quite regret it, my darling, do you? hm1 where the rendering other people uncomfoi table upon the glowing coals. Indeed, the promotion The gentleman then hand Our saunter that day the Gardens of Kew. a small hollow was found there. By a and unhappy. No matter how much the London World. only source of trouble to the poor white ed the officer a fine cigar, bade him "good little chopping a large cavity was foundd, victim of the joke may suffer, mentally is the preservation of his yearly "craps" evening," got into his carriage and was and within was a large mass of silver. or physically, the professional hoaxer ot corn, that, owing to ths sterileness ol driven away. A Mystified Colonel. Both seemed wild with deliyht, and on, must and will have his joke, and his land and deficient cultivation, sometimes Quite a good story is told of Officei counting up found that the pile amounted this he will have reckless of all consuquences. fail him, running all This humorous story is from a French weeds and Badger, of New Haven, Conn. It was to $5,000. The peddier expressed his. A prebent Senator of this State grass. paper: The colonel, a rigid martinet, is past midnight as he was leisurely pushing unwillingness to carry around so much from one of the country districts was the sitting at the window of his room, when, But he has no lack of means. Wild his beat through Jessop street, and as silver in his pocket and inquired where unintentional cause of a divorce He looking out, he see9 a captain crossing the hog, deer, wild turkeys, squirrels, rac he came opposite to a jewelry store he he wouid be likely to get greenbacks for had a triend who was a confirmed joker. barrack yard towards the gate. Looking COOLS, opossumsthese and many more observed sleams ot light through the his share. The farmer having considerable They were both lawyers and met at cer at him closely, he is shocked to observe are at his very doors, and he has only to chinks of the shutters, and he rapped on money in his house, immediately tain times of the year in various cities of thrt, the rules and regulations to the contrary pick up "old Spitfire,"' walk a few miles the door. "Is that you, policeman?" asked transferred to the peddler $2 500 in paper their judicial distucts when traveling the notwithstanding, the captain does out to the forest, and return home laden a voice within. "Yes," answered money and took charge of the entire circu The Senator had often been the not cary a sword. with meat enough to last him a week. Badger. "Well, it's only meit's all bulk of silver. The peddler diappeared,. vietim of his friend, and waited patiently "Captain 1" he calls from the window Aud should he desire to purchase a little light kind of chilly out, isn't it?" "Yes." and when his partner attempted to pass the opportunity to have his revenge. "Hi, captain step up to my room for a wool for spinning, or cotton ditto, or a "Thought so. I was just fixing the fire some of ihe silver, lo 1 it was counterfeit. One day as the Senator entered the dining moment, will you?" little sweet'ning" to put in his coffee or good night." "Good night," said Badger, He was the victim of a gang of coiners. room of a hotel in Herkimer County The captain obeys promptly, borrows a "sassefock" tea, or a few cups and saucers, and pursued his way. An hour afterward he saw his humorous niend sitting a: a sword of the officer of the guard, the or powder and shot, salt, meal or other Badger passed through Jessop street table engageo in cloae conversation with Dicken's child Characters. guard-room b. ing at the end of the stairs, household necessaries, a week's successful again, and again he saw the light in the a lady. He advanced to speak to him. and presents himself to the colonel in irreproachable hunting invariably supplies him with iewelry s'ore. It didn't look right, and Much of Dicken's art in painting child The fiiend. seeing him, arose and greet tenue. enough game to procure the withal for he banged at the door loudly. characters, generally lies in this mingling inet him turned to the lady and said: luxuries, which he soon possesses himself The colonel is somewhat surprised to "Halloo,'" cried the voice within. "Is the threads of their fate with theschemes "My dear, this is my friend, Judge of tcom the nearest village or cross roads see the sword inifc place, and, naving to it you, policemam?" "Yes." "All right, of heartless and villainous people. of whom you have heard me speak. store. Having obtained what he wants, invent some pretext for calling his subordinate won't you, come in and warm yourself? It Oliver Twist may be cited as another Judge my wife." he hastens back to his barren solitudes back, says, with some confusion, won't hurt any thing for you to slip in example, He too, is the helpless, The Senator bowed and then stared his wife and dauguters spin and weave "I beg your parden, captain, but really from your beat for a few minutes." innocent chila, exciting one's sympathies, with surprise. the wool or cotton into such description I've forgotten wh it it was I wanted to The door opened and Policeman Badger because he is constantly subjected to* "Your wife?" he inquired in a puzzled of cloth as is most in vogue for the time speak to you about. However, it can't entered and he found the inmate to be a heartless and cruel treatment. Mrs. Corney, tone. being, while the husband, father, sons have been anything very important it'll very gentlemanly looking individual in a Bubble, Noah Claypole, Fagin, and' "Yes, my wife," replied his friend. and brothers betake tbemselvrs to their keep. "Good morning." linen duster. "Come right up to the stove, Sykes are his tormenters,the black "Oh, no," was the Senator's reply. former idle habitshunting, beef-shootiag The captain salutes, departs, returns policeman. Excuse me for a moment.'' shades which by contrast make him appear "That will not do. This is not the lad? gander-pulling, marble-playing, the sword to the owner and is making ofl The man took the ash pan from the bottom good and virtuous. Like little Nell, you introduced as your wife last term at and getting drunk. Panics, financial across the barrack-yard, when he again ol the stove, and carried it down to while he is made the sport of harsh circumstances, Otsego County. This lady is dark, your pressure and the like are unknown among comes within the range of the colonel's the cellar and emptied it, and when he he is himself passively, instinctly wifo is lurht. Oh, no that won't do. None them, and about tne only crisis of which vision. had returned] and wiped his hands he virtuous. Though the central, our jokes upon me." they know aay thing is when a poor fellow The colonel rubs his eyes, stares, says said: "Chilly night, isn't it?" "Yes." figure of the story, he, too, is only ith that he turned away, leaving the is called upon to "shuffle off this sofely to himself, "How in the deuce is "Chilly outside and dull inside, Another sketched in outline, while the characterswhich .e dumbfounded and angry, and the mortal coil." Money, fact, is almost this? Blame it, be hasn't a sword to his smile.J New goods for the spring darken his destiny are fully and ofessional joker for once nonplussed an unknown commodity in their midst, waist 'then calls aloud, "Captain! Ho, trade, and have to keep our eyes open. dramatically wrought out. In some of le Senator told the story, and every'here and whether our currency is goN, greenbacks captain! one mom nt, please." Lonesome work, this, watching at night, his later works the novelist delineateshis the joker was Jaughed at as the or the dollar of the "daddies" concerns The captain returns, borrows the sword but I manage to find a bit of comfort in children with greater fullness nevertheless, joke was continued. His wife demanded them not. Nearly all of their again, mounts the stairs and enters tne this. Won't you in me in a tip? You'U in the main, they are all made toimpress an explanation. He tried to assert that it trafficking is carried on by barter alone. colonel's presence. His commanding find i the pure thing." And the man produced oe less by the fullness-of their was but a joke of the Judge's, but the In their currency a cow is considered officer stares at him intently be has a a black bottle and a tumbler. portraiture than by what one perceives Judge wouldn't say so on the contrary worth so much, a horse so much, a dog sword, he sees it, he hears it clank. Policeman Badger partook, and having of the creatures who threaten to maketheir he presisted in his statement, which was so much, a fat buck so much, a fat turkey "Captain," he stammers, growing very wiped his lips and given his fingers another lives wretched. As in Turner'sCelebrated confirmed by the other lawyer spresent, ail so much, a coon-skin so much, etc., hot, "it's deuced ridiculous, you know, warming he ieft the store and resumed picture, the slave-ship occupies of whom were now ob aining a revenge. and by these values almost everything butha! ha! I'd just remembered what his beat, satisfied that all was right but a slight proportion of the canvas,, The wife believed not her husband, but else is rated. Dollars and dimes they I wanted to say to youand nowha! at the jewelry store. But the morning which is mainly filled with the mad his friends, and could not be persuaded never bother their brains about. ha!it's gone out of my head again. brought a new revelation. The store had waves of the sea, so the children of Dickens out that her husband had been unfaithful i The chief characteristic, the crowning Funny, isn't it? Ha! ha! ha! Losing been robbed during the night of $6,0i are small aerial figures floating amid to his marriage vows. The result was emblem of the poor white, however, is my memory. Never mind. I'll think of worth of watches and jewelry, and, although masses of black cloud painted in to give jealousy, bickering and quarrelin which laziness. He is the laziest two-legged it and write you. Good morning." Policeman Badger carries in his brilliancy to their whiteness. eventuated in a divorce. This was severe animal that walks erect on the face of the The captain salutes, departs, returns the mind a complet daguerreotype of the punishment, and successfully cured the earth. Even his motions are slow, and sword to the owner and makes for the robber, the adroit rascal was never found. Al one of the Whitehall Sunday shcools divorced man of practical king his speech a sickening drawl, worse a gate. As he crosses the barrack-yard, a teacher was instructing her class al out It was Lord Norbury ot England who great deal than the downeastern of all the colonel calls his wife to bis side and the prophets. She finally put the questiof, made one of best witicisms ever made The only true matches are made by downeastcrs while his thoughts and says, "See that officer out there?" "Why don't we have the prophets, from the bench at the expense of the love, and when two people have really ideas creep along at a snail's pace. All "Yes." now?" and asked the boy who could! prisoner. It was at the time when robbery lovedreally, from the depths of their he seems to care for is to live from hand "Has he got a sword on?" answer it to hold up his right hand. A was punished by han-ing He was very heartsnothing can ever quite Dart to mouth, to get drunk, provide he can The colonel's wife adjusts her eye-glass little hand of a six-year old boy quickly sentencing to death a thief who had stolen them again.Yonkers Gazette. How do so without having to trudge too far upon him, scans him keenly and says, went up. "Well, my little man, why is* a watch: "You made a grasp at time, my beautiful! how ta rrue! how tendei! And for his liquor to shoot for beef to attend "He hasn't a taste of a sword. it we do not have prophets nowt" "Be- lad, but you clutched eternitv." yet there are hearts that the world vain gander-pulliags to vote at elections The colonel"That's just where yon cause, ma'am, my papa days the times are .v For a cheeky defense when caught in has tried hearts that have beat as only to eat and sleep to lounge in the fool ourself! He ha*!" so hard, and so many men have gone into the act," commend us to this story of a one heart can thump, hearts that the sunshine of a bright summers day, and selling goods, that profits are knocked* **%&? Parisian thief at the steeple-chases, who same ice cream spoon, ss it were, has fed: bask in the warmth] of a roaring A Vermont hotel keeper ha white higher'n Gilderoy's kite The lad was. ki^mi was caught by a detective with his hand hearts that have parted forever, because wood-fire when summer days are over. washed a big cliff in sight of his house, immediately presented with a gum-drop, in a lady's pocket. "I am no thief," the one of the twain didn't appreciate cold In religion, the poor white is generally that it may resemble a snow bank, and and told to go out and via.?.Whitehall pickpocket indignantly protested "I am mea .---Cammereial Advertiser. of the hard-shell persuasion, and his par cause curious people to ask questions. Timet. -Tsj^ Hyp *!#?*%&- j"3 iifi ..-vM.,lf,i -iWiiniiiMutinmitiurilm Hy il -J -J JJL .xrrziMrzryr